self-growth – Personal Growth Cafe

July 15, 2012

“What Really Makes You Tick?” 10 questions you should ask to yourself: a preparation to self-improvement

Be all you can be, but it’s not always in the Army. I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it’s hard to think of anything else when where are real issues to be discussed.

Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.

So we’re all pelted with problems. Honestly it shouldn’t even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks… or can they?

1. What do I really want?
The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day.

Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.

2. Should I really change?
Today’s generation has taken another level of redefining ‘self’, or at least that’s what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?

If history has taught us one thing, it’s the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn’t appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.

3. What’s the bright side in all of this?
With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel. We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny. And if it’s a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!

4. Am I comfortable with what I’m doing?
There’s always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It doesn’t take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we’ll all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.

5. Have I done enough for myself?
Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you’ll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.

6. Am I happy at where I am today?
It’s an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!

7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex?
So maybe I don’t have an answer to that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.

8. How much could I have?
I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it’s more on how badly you really need it. I’d like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?

9. What motivates me?
What motivates you? It’s an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It’s not like you can’t have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that’s it. Just try it piece by piece.

10. What Really Makes You Tick?
So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it’s something that you really want.

June 28, 2012July 4, 2012

Spring Into Action

When springtime rolls around, thoughts turn to sunny days, warmer weather, and getting motivated to cross tasks off your list of things to do. As you look around, you see your neighbors power-washing the driveway and sprucing up their homes.

Even your best friend seems to be infused with energy these days; she’s already cleaned out her closets and waxed her car and it’s only April 1st!

You, on the other hand, have a bunch of tasks weighing on your mind. You’re tired of thinking about them. But which one should you do first? And how can you summon the energy that seems called for this season?

These suggestions can help you painlessly gear up for action:

1. Find peace in the garden. If you like to garden, it’s time to explore the changes that fall and winter brought to your planting spaces. If you’re new to gardening, you can look forward to feeling tranquility when you’re raking, planting and weeding.

• Why not start now working in the yard for 30 minutes a day? Gardeningis good for your soul and will lead you to achieve in other areas of your life.

2. Deepen connections with your family. Complete projects together instead of alone.Make time to listen to what your kids and partner want to do now that spring’s here. Focus emotional energy on your family.

• Spending time with your spouse ona project you both want done is a great way to deepen your connection. You’ll also gain momentum to do other tasks.

• Spring is also a lovely time to accomplish something with your kids. You’ll enjoy the opportunity to have somequality time with them as you teach the values of working together on a project.

3. Reach out.Ask for a psychological or physical “push” from a parent or close friend. Maybe your mother loves to do interior painting or your friend is a master at organizing drawers and cabinets.

• Asking for help is an exercise in humility and builds character. There’s no shame in acknowledging that you feel challenged to get motivated. Those you care about would love to help. Embrace the support and love you get from them.

4. Help yourself. Plan each week to complete just one task on your list, no matter how small. You’ll build momentum each week to achieve another goal. Give yourself permission and enough emotional space to take it slowly.You’ll feel like a rock star if you keep a steady pace by finishing one task every week.

5. Reward yourself for progress. As you complete those tasks that have been simmering in the back of your mind, remember to reward yourself for your accomplishments.

• If Mom helped you paint the kitchen, invite her and Dad over next weekend for a family dinner. Spending some family time together is a special way to thank your mom and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

• When you and your spouse spend a day cleaning up the yard or sprucing up the garage, suggest you enjoy an intimate night out the following weekend.

• You’ll be continuously motivated to complete more of those spring tasks when you take the time to recognize and reward yourself for what you’ve accomplished.

Some of us will get more charged up about spring’s arrival than others. Remind yourself that it’s okay to move forward at your own pace. Whether you go after your goals a little bit at a time or all at once, your sense of accomplishment will always be there waiting for you when you spring into action.

June 27, 2012July 3, 2012

Inviting Love Into Your Life

There may be times in your life when you just want to be on your own for a while. Maybe you’d like to delve into your work, focus on yourself and enjoy life solo. However, when you return to thoughts of wanting to be in love again, it’s important to be in the proper frame of mind to welcome love back into your life.

Consider these suggestions to ready yourself for love:

1. Let go of old resentments and hurts.You can only be accepting of the warm feelings love brings if you’ve done away with simmering resentments and aching hurts. Otherwise, they’ll keep bubbling up to the surface and “boil away” other positive and health feelings.

2. Open yourself up to new people.If you tend to hang out only with people you already know, now is the time for a change. To invite love in, you’ve got to open the door.When you psychologically open up to new people, you open to love.

• Attend a book discussion group at the library
• Let your neighbor introduce you to his cousin
• Try visiting new cafes, restaurants, and community centers
• Drop in to neighborhood gatherings and parties you wouldn’t normally attend

3. Cultivate a positive body image. When you feel good about how you look and feel physically, you behave more openly toward others. Those feelings of self-assurance will encourage the flow of abundance and love.

4. Love yourself.Loving yourself makes you a more lovable person in the eyes of others. Although it’s admittedly a bit of a cliché, if you expect others to love you, you must first do so yourself. Dig deep to get in touch with all the things you like about yourself.

• Traits you like about yourself might include things such as: your smooth skin, your caring nature, your willingness to help others, or your incredible resolve to improve yourself each day. Find your unique characteristics that bring joy and comfort to you and to others.

5. Know your worth.When you discover everything you love about yourself, you’ll become more aware of your value as a human being. Whether you cherish just one thing about yourself or a hundred, you begin to feel worthy. And when you truly accept your ownvalue, love will find you.

6. Cultivate a peaceful existence.Living a life of serenity and peace will draw people to you. When your days are free from of drama and emotional chaos, you demonstrate that you can handle whatever life sends your way. Seek out activities and strategies that aid you in maintaining a deep sense of serenity and calm.

• Whether youdo yoga, meditation, visualization, positive affirmations, or some other serenity practice, cultivating tranquility will show that you can handle new relationships.

You have the power to welcome love back into your life. When you let go of old hurts, open up to new people, and know your own worth, you’ll be ready and willing to truly enjoy a new relationship. Take the leap and invite love in!

June 27, 2012July 3, 2012

5 Tips to Strengthen Your Relationship

Because all relationships grow and change over time,even if you have a great relationship, there may be times when you feel like your bond could be stronger.

Consider these tips to fortify your partnership:

1. Take your partner’s side. To continue to grow an enriching, loving relationship, consistently advocate for your partner’s position, whether you agree with them or not. If you promise yourself to always be on the same side, then there will be fewer situations that divide you.

• Although disagreement can be appropriate, do so with tact and love instead of fighting. Let your differences lead to discussions that help you understand each other better rather than divide you.These types of honest discussions reinforce the love and respect youshare.

2. Release past hurts. If you’ve been holding on to emotional pain related to your current partner or a past one, let it go. Keeping the hurt inside can stifle the love and affection you want in your relationship.

• If the painresults from your current partner’s actions,resolve the past situation so you can let go of that pain and move forward with your relationship.

• Letting go of past hurts allow you to feel freer to love and be close to your partner.

3. Be willing to try something new. If you want to truly connect with your partner, embrace the activities he loves to do. Even though the particular pastime may not be your cup of tea, show willingness to engage in his beloved activities with him.

• For example, if your partner invites you to go to an NFL game, you don’t have to be a football fan to go and enjoy yourself. Look at it this way: you’ll be there to share something really special with your love. He’ll be thrilled to have you there and will most likely recognize the sacrifice you made to share the experience with him.

4. Lose the need to be right. Winning arguments with your partner is overrated. After all, what value does being right really have? Insisting that the other person agree that you’re right and they’re wrongdoes nothing to increase positive feelings or strengthen the bond between you.

• Try focusing, instead, on acceptingthat there will be times when you might be correct and other times when he’s the one who’s right.

• Sometimes, these situations can be better resolved by sorting out how you each feel so you can find a middle ground that can bring you closer together rather than determining who’s right or wrong.

5. Celebrate your differences. Allow yourself to again experience the passion that brought you into the relationship. You have a responsibility to keep the flame going, which reinforces your connection. One way to do thatis to truly embrace the ways in which you are different.

There are so many wonderful opportunities to ensure your partnership continues to blossom and grow stronger. Use these tips for inspiration to help youcultivate your cherished relationship and watch it thrive under your careful tending.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Managing Transitions in Life

The one thing you can be sure of in life is that there will be times when you’re thrown a curve ball. Something will happen that you aren’t expecting.

Even though you know you’ve got the strength to handle anything that life brings you, you might still be taken aback by an unexpected change in your life direction.

These suggestions will help you successfully handle some of life’s transitional times:

1. Take a deep breath. Pause for a moment and give yourself time to just breathe.

2. Process the information. Next, allow yourself some time to think through what’s happened. This might take a few days, depending on your situation. From your perspective, what occurred?

3. Talk about it. Call a close friend or family member you trust and tell them about what’s going on in your life. It helps to hear yourself think aloud whenever you’re faced with an enduring challenge.

4. Consider your options. Although you might not be completely ready to move on yet, try to ponder fully your situation and where you could go from here. Be open-minded about resolving the current issues in the short-term.

• If your situation involves an ending of a relationship, for example, maybe you’ll have to find another place to live quickly. Could you move in with a friend or family member, at least for now? Ask yourself what your possibilities are at the present time.

5. Take time to adjust. You might feel you have to make decisions fairly quickly to get moving forward, but still, it’s wise to allow yourself necessary moments to adjust to what’s happening.

6. Tell yourself that you’ll make it through. After the initial shock wears off, you’ll hopefully reach the point of realizing that “this too shall pass.” Thinking positively is the best way to approach any type of challenging situation. Remind yourself that you have the savvy and fortitude to find your way from this day forward.

7. Begin to formulate a plan. After considerable thinking, you’ll be relieved to see parts of a new plan for your life falling in to place.

8. Recognize your own strengths. Remember back to a time you struggled through a crisis and emerged better than ever. Maybe you had to drop out of college because there wasn’t enough money. You still made it through and were able to return to finish your studies within 2 years. Realize your strength to help you make it through the current situation.

9. Look at the recent change as an opportunity. Even though it might take some effort, allow yourself to see you’re being given a chance to change your life. You’re in a position to improve something about your existence.

• Let your imagination run free. Regard the coming episode of your life as a new adventure and embrace it.

10. Move forward with a sense of purpose. Now that you have the bare bones of a plan, you can proceed ahead with your new life with greater confidence. As time goes by, you’ll grow even surer of the direction you’re heading. Let yourself feel excited about your new goals.

Regardless of what life brings your way, you’ll still keep going. Allow yourself time to breathe and take in the information. Perhaps even talk to someone and ponder your choices.

You have what it takes to successfully manage any transition in life that appears before you. Openly accept this opportunity to let go of the old and embrace the new.

June 25, 2012July 4, 2012

Get Hoarding Tendencies Under Control

Reality TV shows have focused new attention on the issue of hoarding. Maybe you’re buried alive or maybe you just need to empty out that hall closet. Learn what psychiatrists now know about hoarding along with techniques to manage mild tendencies or intervene in more severe cases.

Understanding the Facts About Hoarding

1. Recognize hoarding as a mental health issue. The psychiatric criteria for compulsive hoarding are still being developed, but some facts are clear. The symptoms include a strong urge to acquire items and trouble with discarding them that interferes with daily life.

• Those who struggle with this dilemma may suffer from depression or attention deficit disorders, but sometimes they have no known history of mental illness.

2. Identify the underlying causes. Certain personality traits are characteristic of hoarding. You may be indecisive and try to avoid making mistakes by holding onto everything just in case. You may also be prone to procrastinating and have difficulty getting organized.

3. Know the risk factors. Anyone can become a hoarder but older women who are socially isolated are most at risk. Keep this in mind if you think you need to change your own life circumstances or if you’re caring for an aging parent or other relative.

4. Put yourself to the test. Compulsive hoarders may need professional intervention but there are also tests that can help you make an initial assessment. Search online for the Hoarding Rating Scale Interview. It has 5 simple questions with replies ranked from “no problem” to “extreme.”

Coping With Mild Hoarding Tendencies

1. Organize your valuables. Organization is a key distinction between being a collector and being a hoarder. Create an attractive display for your prized books or antique dolls so you can feel good about them and enjoy sharing them with others.

2. Stick to your budget. Buy only what you can afford. Look for bargains or save up in advance for major new purchases.

3. De-acquisition as needed. Every librarian or museum director appreciates the value of de-selection guidelines. Make your best stuff appear more attractive and accessible by getting rid of items in poor condition or objects of lesser quality.

Interventions for More Severe Hoarding

1. Contact the appropriate authorities for health and safety threats. Animal hoarding, fire hazards or nonworking utilities can pose urgent dangers. Call the board of health or animal control immediately for such emergencies.

2. Arrange for a professional evaluation. Talk with your family doctor or consider engaging a geriatric care manager. These professionals provide expert assistance to the elderly and their families to help them locate appropriate services and maximize the independence of elders. Most offer a free initial telephone consultation.

3. Find local therapists and resources. Seeing a therapist is an individual decision, but you can present options if you’re trying to help a loved one. Many patients improve thorough targeted behavioral therapies and home visits.

• Clutters Anonymous is a self help group with a 12 step program like Alcoholics Anonymous.

4. Enlist support. Caregivers and their loved ones benefit from building alliances. Ask your local council on aging about relevant programs in your community. Look into professional services like house cleaning agencies and storage centers. Ask friends and family to pitch in with removal tasks and providing more opportunities for socializing.

5. Remain compassionate and sensitive. Be respectful and nonjudgmental to avoid exacerbating any feelings of shame. Offer sincere praise as progress is made. It’s usually easiest to start out by focusing on tasks like sorting rather than throwing things away. Ask for permission before touching anything.

Those TV shows may be helping compulsive hoarders to get the assistance they need. Still, the solution usually extends much deeper than just tidying up the house. Recognize the warning signs for hoarding so you and the people you care about can restore order in your emotional lives and in your homes.

June 24, 2012July 4, 2012

Design the Life You Desire With a Life Plan

When you engage in active planning, you’re highly likely to be more successful in life. You know what you want and how you intend to get it.

Maybe you already have your life all planned out. Maybe you don’t. Either way, these tips will help you devise or tweak your Life Plan so you can move forward toward realizing the joy and fulfillment you deserve.

Take some time to answer the following questions about what you most desire. Who knows, you may have a detailed Life Plan before the week is done!

1. What are your dreams? Allow yourself some “dream” time to clarify to yourself what you really want. Be as over-the-top as you like. Then, write them down.

• There’s no limit to the number of dreams or how large they are. Life provides opportunities to let go of certain goals and add new ones. Infuse your Life Plan with all your dreams and goals.

2. What’s important? Whatever you feel is crucial to you should be reflected in your Life Plan. Maybe you’ve always wanted to have more education. Perhaps you’ve wanted to travel but haven’t the time or money to do it. If you grew up in a rented home, owning a home might be the single most important thing in your life. If it’s important to you, include it.

3. What do you want to accomplish? What deeds do you want to achieve? Now’s the time to write down what you want to do with your life. Is working on a church mission something you aspire to do? Do you want to win an award in your career for your work performance?

• List what you want to attain in the personal, professional and educational areas of life.

4. What standard of living do you desire? Your answer will describe the life you want to lead. Do you want to live in a high-rise apartment in the city? Do you want to own your own farm in the country? Maybe you prefer to live simply and pick up and go wherever you want.

• Perhaps you want to earn more money, live in a large house, drive an expensive car, and enjoy wearing pricey clothes. In essence, you seek the high life.

• Thoroughly investigate what standard of living you want so you can include it in your Life Plan. Search your soul. There are no “wrong answers” when you’re developing your Life Plan.

5. Do you have fun? Maybe, to you, having fun means locking yourself in your study to write romances all day. You might find training and running a triathlon to be the time of your life. Activities such as bowling, practicing yoga and traveling to Europe also qualify – whatever brings you joy.

• If you answer this question with a “no,” it’s time to get serious about your fun. You’ll require some time to cogitate about activities you might enjoy. When was the last time you kicked up your heels? List activities that you love to do. What is life without some fun?

6. Are you spending time with friends and family? Generally, those who are the happiest make time for their family and friends. If this issue is important to you, include it in your plan.

7. What do you do for your community? Giving back to your community cultivates feelings of gratitude, satisfaction, and fulfillment in your own life. Donating money, time, or energy for the good of others enables these positive feelings to be an inherent result when you write them into your Life Plan.

8. Are self-improvements high on your list? Striving to excel helps keep you moving toward your life goals. Include short term achievements for many areas of your life.

Develop your Life Plan soon and feel free to change it as your wants and desires evolve. Having a Life Plan keeps you focused on all your goals and will motivate you to reach for the stars.

June 13, 2012June 18, 2012

Believing in Yourself

Have you ever thought about how much believing in yourself makes a difference in your quality of life?

A strong belief in yourself can bring you all these benefits and more:

You recognize your ability to accomplish goals.
You’re optimistic about the future as you set goals and achieve them.
Deep down inside, you know you can do anything.
You treat yourself kindly.
You feel uplifted and more satisfied with life.
You’re motivated to get things done.
You have faith, no matter what.
You see and enjoy the abundance around you.
Others feel attracted to you.

Wouldn’t you love to enjoy these qualities of confidence and well-being on a daily basis? The good news is you can! There are actions you can take to fortify your belief in yourself.

Whether you feel lacking in this area or just want to strengthen your belief for the extra benefits, try these ideas to further develop your belief:

Have confidence in your own abilities to get something done. Be your own best cheerleader and encourage yourself to get your tasks done. Learn to break large tasks down into achievable portions. Then, even when times are tough and your spirit is low, you’ll know you can do it.
Create dreams.Whether it’s getting the career you want, obtaining more training, meeting someone you admire, traveling to a faraway place, or setting a goal to save a million dollars, connect with your dreams.

Where you come from, the money you make, and the people you hang out with are insignificant to the dreams you create. Dreams are often focused on what you want for yourself in the future. When you believe in your dreams, you can also believe in you!

Establish goals and go for the gold. Believing in yourself means you’re motivated to get things done. Get into the habit of setting goals (both short-term and long-term). Then, you can take active steps to achieve them.
Treat yourself well. Treating yourself with a nurturing nature and the understanding that you’re a deserving human being is an important aspect of developing belief in yourself.

Pamper yourself when you desire it. Recognize that others should treat you with respect and love.

Ensure motivation is high. Remember the childhood story about the little engine that could? When you wantto accomplish your tasks with excellence and achieve your goals, it’s an incredible testament to your level of motivation.Buildmomentum to fuel your motivation.
During the tough times, keep the faith. No one is immune from experiencing rocky chapters in his life. But if you believe in yourself, you can meet those challenging phases with a positive, solid fortitude. You’ll push forward, move through the trying moments and know you’ll come out on the other side smarter, stronger and surer of yourself.
Recognize the bounty you have. Regardless of what stage of life you’re living, search for the good all around you. Get the most you can from each moment.

Is the chair you’re sitting on comfortable? Are you safe and warm right now?
Whatever you love in your life, be thankful.Have gratitude.

Believing in yourself is one of the most powerful choices you can make. Practice these strategies and you’ll discover the sheer joy and comfort of knowing you can do whatever it is you choose when you believe in yourself.

Make sure you’re effectively using your power to manifest everything you want. Do the “Crash Course on Creating Your Ideal Life” video training for free at the Personal Growth Cafe.