Personal Growth Cafe

October 25, 2018February 16, 2018

Top Ten Ways of Finding Closure in Your Relationship

As the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”

Finding closure after the end of a relationship is often harder.

“Closure” is a psychological term that simply means closing the door on something or someone.

Closure means you leave the past in the past rather than dragging it out into the present again.

In relationships, this means learning how to let go of that relationship and move on to another, possibly better, relationship.

There are many ways to find closure.

In fact, how you find closure will depend entirely upon your personality and particular situation.

Here are the top ten ways to find closure after a relationship ends:

1. Declare out loud to a close friend that you accept that the relationship is over.

Choose someone who will support you and help you stay focused on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past.

2. Call the person you’re letting go and release them.

Acknowledge that you still have feelings for them, the relationship isn’t healthy, and they’re free.

If it’s too painful to talk with them, write them a note.

3. Refocus on yourself.

You may have let your own interests slide while you were involved with your prior relationship.

Now’s the time to shift your focus back to yourself and what you want to do.

4. Find a new hobby or activity to replace the time with your ex.

If you always went out on Friday nights, invite some friends over, instead, and watch movies.

Or you could volunteer for a worthwhile charity.

5. When you start thinking about your ex, call a friend to bolster your resolve.

Ask them to restate your reasons for letting them go.

6. Create a mantra or saying that helps you refocus.

Keep telling yourself this mantra and before too long you’ll start believing it.

You’ll also start acting differently as well.

“I am strong and I am over them” could be all you need to say, but it may be something more detailed like “I’m a wonderful person who is worthy of love, respect and happiness.”

7. Remove things that remind you of your ex.

At some point in the future you’ll be strong enough to look at these things with fondness rather than being tugged back to the past.

Take them off your speed dial.

Remove photos of the two of you.

Box up gifts they gave you.

8. Take care of yourself.

Eat better, take up a new exercise, and get plenty of rest.

Hydration is important, too, so be sure you drink plenty of water.

9. If you’re feeling particularly sad over the break up, don’t hold it in.

It’s natural for you to feel upset about the end of the relationship.

Go ahead and cry.

You may even want to write in a journal how you feel so you can get the feelings out rather than holding them in.

10. Try to figure out what went wrong in the relationship.

Reflect on this after you’ve distanced yourself from it for a while.

If there were things you did that could’ve damaged the relationship, admit them.

Try to determine the red flags that signaled the relationship was ending.

Decide to avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.

If you didn’t want the relationship to end, you may be tempted to leave the door open hoping to rekindle that lost love.

It may be difficult to find closure, but the emotional price of holding out hope can be costly.

For your own health and peace of mind, learn to let the relationship end.

Let go of the past, close the door, and walk into a better future.

How can closure bring peace and happiness in your life?

How do you move on from one relationship to another?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Also, as your gift for taking this to heart – and this is profoundly important… to us ALL – go to UnitingPlanetEarth.com/ignition/ and do the Uniting Planet Earth 7-Day Quick-Start Ignition Program… and Allow it to Transform Your Life.

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October 25, 2018February 16, 2018

The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself. – B. R. Haydon

October 24, 2018February 16, 2018

Top Five Ways To Apologize

Apologizing isn’t an easy thing to do.

If you’ve never been taught how to apologize, it makes the task even harder.

Sometimes simply saying, “I’m sorry” doesn’t adequately communicate your regret for having done something that was hurtful.

When you’ve done something you shouldn’t, here are the top 5 ways to apologize:

1. Express regret by saying: “I’m sorry for…” Be specific in expressing yourself.

What are you sorry for?

This isn’t merely a way to say you’re sorry that you got caught, but rather that you’re sorry you hurt another person.

Perhaps your intent wasn’t even to hurt someone, but it happened anyway, and expressing your regret can ease the hurt.

2. Accept responsibility by saying: “I was wrong.” It’s important to accept responsibility for what you’ve done.

If you can’t take responsibility, it will be hard for people to forgive you.

Don’t try to shove the blame off on someone else; admit that you’re the guilty party and tell the person what you did was wrong.

3. Make amends by asking: “What can I do to fix this?”

After you’ve expressed regret and accepted responsibility, it’s important that you do what you can to make amends.

If you want to re-establish trust with the person you’ve hurt, making restitution is vital.

4. Express genuine repentance by promising: “I’ll do my best to never do this again.”

You may regret having done what you did, and that’s good. However, it’s crucial that you don’t repeat the offense again in the future.

The old saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

It’s harder to forgive someone who’s done the same thing for a second time.

5. Request forgiveness by asking: “Will you please forgive me?”

Be sure to ask the person you’ve offended to forgive you.

Neither of you will be able to let this go, put it in the past, and move forward if there isn’t true forgiveness on the one part and true repentance on the other.

If you follow these steps, does that mean the person you’ve hurt will always forgive you?

There’s no guarantee, and depending on what caused the pain, it may take them a little while to get to the point of forgiveness.

However, your chances of forgiveness when you give a sincere apology are much greater than if you merely gloss over it with a curt “I’m sorry.”

Part of the reason your apology may not be accepted is because of the way it’s given.

If you tell them, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but…” it’s a pretty good bet they’re thinking the apology may not have been heart-felt.

There’s no wonder they may not be so quick to forgive you.

When your apology isn’t sincere, there may be forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean the relationship has been restored the way you hoped it would be.

What if you don’t feel like what you’ve done requires an apology?

Why should you offer one if what you did wasn’t wrong?

Well, if a person perceives it as being wrong, you may still want to offer a sincere apology for how they’re feeling.

This will help you reconnect with someone who’s important to you and strengthen the trust between you, which is always a good thing for your relationship.

Learning these top 5 ways to apologize will give you an important skill you can use to improve your relationships.

Use them sincerely and enjoy the benefits!

How important is making amends for you?

How easy or difficult is it for you to apologize?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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October 24, 2018February 16, 2018

To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else. – Dalai Lama

October 23, 2018February 16, 2018

The man who makes no mistakes usually doesn’t make anything. – Bishop W. C. Magee

October 23, 2018February 16, 2018

Tips to Overcome the Fear of Speaking in Public

Somehow, you’ve suddenly found yourself responsible for giving a speech!

Don’t fret; you can learn how to overcome the fear of public speaking.

While some people seem to have a natural propensity for public speaking, no one is exempt from nervousness.

What can you do?

There are specific action steps you can take to help alleviate your nerves, even if you’ve never stood in front of a group of people before.

Here are some things you can do to help you get through your presentation:

1. Be prepared. The best thing to do to help you overcome your fear of speaking is to be prepared!

Once you know your material and have your speech ready, you’re ready to prepare for the final part – speaking.

Having a well-practiced speech will give you confidence.

You’re the expert on this material, after all, or you wouldn’t be speaking in the first place.

2. Practice making your presentation so you can get into a rhythm and know how the presentation will flow.

Say your speech aloud to practice difficult words or names and to time yourself.

If you have other presenters, practice as a group and be open to feedback from others.

Practice using any slides or power point presentations you’ve included in your speech.

3. Strengthen your presentation. There are simple things you can do to make your speech go from ordinary to extraordinary.

4. Making eye contact, pausing at certain points, and having visual aids are things that will bring your speech up a notch.

Learning these things ahead of time and including them in your practice sessions will alleviate some nerves.

Find one or two things to focus on the first time you speak.

Very few people make the perfect speech every time so the key is to learn from each presentation to make future speeches even better.

5. Be proud of doing your best. Keep in mind that everyone who speaks gets nervous ahead of time, some more so than others.

Once you consider you aren’t alone in your feelings, it makes it easier to deal with them.

6. Refrain from comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone better and someone worse than you. Just do your personal best and be happy that you’ve given it your all.

Find a mentor, or someone who is more experienced in public speaking, to ask advice. Learn from their mistakes.

7. Practice speaking in public. If you’re going to be speaking frequently, you can find ways to get more practice.

8. Take a class on public speaking, or volunteer at a community organization. The more you practice, the better you’ll get.

If you care about animals, kids, or social issues, there are many venues for you to speak, go find a local club or school and volunteer your time.

9. Start off small. Practice speaking in a classroom full of children first.

Read aloud during religious services at your place of worship.

If you have a favorite hobby, volunteer to teach a class about that hobby at your local library.

Don’t worry about how perfect your speech is. In six months, it won’t matter.

What will matter is that you’ve done your best, improved, and possibly inspired one person with your words.

That’s what it’s all about, anyway.

How confident are you with speaking in front of a crowd?

How do you feel before the speaking engagement?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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October 22, 2018February 15, 2018

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. – Martin Luther King Jr.

October 22, 2018February 15, 2018

The Art of Organization: Seven Time Saving Tips

Organization is more important in your life than you may imagine.

Organization is so difficult for some people that they feel as if they’re just meant to be unorganized.

The truth is, however, is that none of us are meant to be unorganized!

We’re a species that functions better when we have structure in our lives. Without structure, we live in utter chaos.

All is not lost, though, if you have trouble organizing things!

Organizing only one aspect of your life helps you to begin on the rest of it.

This nice chain reaction helps things fall into place the way they should.

Time Saving Tips to Organize Your Life

The worst part about organizing your life is that it seems like it can take so much time.

That’s one reason why so many people refuse to find an organization strategy.

They feel like it will take too much time out of their day.

However, it doesn’t have to take much time at all!

The strategy is to work it into your life in ways that don’t take so much time.

Once your strategy is in place, it can actually save you time.

Here are some time saving tips to help you get organized:

1. Pace yourself. You don’t have to do everything all at once. Take care of one thing at a time.

A lot of unorganized people have clothes lying across the floor and shoes in strange places.

You could contain such a mess by picking those things up as you pass by them.

Don’t wait to do it all at once; otherwise it may never get done.

2. Set achievable goals. Make a plan to do only certain chores each day so that an entire day isn’t taken up by trying to do it all.

For example, set the goal of cleaning off your computer desk one day.

That’s a task that may take only ten minutes.

That’s a whole lot more manageable than resolving to clean your entire house in an afternoon!

3. Storage. Invest in some functional storage containers.

There are also some nice storage boxes that are decorative, too. Fill them as needed and when convenient.

Keep a storage box handy in your closet.

As you find things you don’t use or wear anymore, put them into the box.

Before you know it, your closet will be cleaned out!

4. Make a game out of it. Get the whole family in on it. This will save a lot of time if everyone pitches in.

Tell the kids if they help that you can have a special pizza night.

Present them with a reward and they’ll work hard, saving you time and getting your home organized quickly.

5. Change habits. Changing some of your habits can make things easier on you.

Instead of waiting for days to wash those dirty dishes, pick a time at the end of the day to wash them or do it in the mornings.

That will save you time because it only takes a few minutes to wash a few dishes, instead of a heaping pile.

6. Make the entire family responsible. Give everyone in the house responsibilities so that things can become organized and stay that way.

Put up a chart on the refrigerator or on a wall that outlines the weekly responsibilities and who’s supposed to do each chore.

It’s not your responsibility to clean your child’s room, make sure they take ownership of their own tasks.

7. Use racks and shelves. Make a place for everything so that everything has its own place.

Use a spice rack for your spices.

Invest in shoe organizers for the closets.

Hang stuffed animal hammocks in the kids’ bedrooms.

The Importance of Organization

The importance of organization cannot be underestimated because it carries over into other aspects of your life.

Without it, it’s hard to see clearly what’s going on around you.

When your life is organized, you can better point out the solution.

You can also feel better about yourself and your environment.

Plus, you’ll be able to find more time to do things you actually enjoy.

How do you manage your time to have enough for all of the things you need to do?

When was the last time you were able to set time for yourself?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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October 21, 2018February 15, 2018

The Art of Deep Breathing: A Sanity-Saving Strategy

Have you ever had one of those days where you were so stressed that you felt like you could use some help to save your sanity?

If so, you’ll be pleased to discover a strategy you can use to reduce stress and improve your health at the same time!

This strategy is easy and convenient, and it’s called deep breathing.

What exactly is deep breathing?

Deep breathing is a breathing exercise that involves manipulating the breath in ways that bring about certain feelings on an emotional level.

There are various deep breathing exercises that are designed for:

Developing the mind and the body

Helping you enter a state of meditation

Bringing on a healthy sweat, enabling you to feel revived

No matter what emotion you’re trying to achieve with your breathing exercises, the beauty is that it doesn’t cost you anything to breathe.

But when is it appropriate to do breathing exercises?

And how often can they be done?

When To Do Deep Breathing Exercises

There are no hard and fast rules stipulating when to do breathing exercises.

It really depends on what you’re wishing to achieve by doing them.

You can use breathing exercises at any time to:

Achieve a state of calm

Feel alive, invigorated, and ready for your day

Reduce stress in tense situations

Wind down at the end of the day

When you wake up in the morning, you may wish to do some quick deep breathing exercises to feel invigorated and ready to go.

You can go outside, take a deep breath, and then breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.

This breathing exercise can serve as a workout for your abdominal muscles and lungs.

It can make you feel quite refreshed at the beginning of your day and provides a similar effect to taking a morning jog.

When you’re having a rough day at work or dealing with conflict, you can use a few calming breaths to help reduce stress.

Sit back, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Hold it in and then let it out. Repeat the process until you feel relaxed.

Health Benefits of Breathing Exercises

If you just need a quick lift, then you’ll only need to spend a short time here and there doing some deep breathing exercises.

On the other hand, if you’re looking to have a significant impact on your health and serenity, you can form a routine of several breathing exercises throughout your day.

Whatever the duration, breathing exercises can bring you many health benefits, including:

Reduce your blood pressure

Calm your nerves

Tighten your core muscles

Aid in better digestion

Aid in the elimination of waste and toxins

Bring you higher levels of energy

Increase your awareness of the functions within your body

Reduce stress

Your own results will depend upon the type and frequency of breathing exercises you use.

Anyone Can Benefit From Breathing Exercises

Breathing exercises can benefit virtually anyone. The only individuals who should take extreme caution are those with respiratory issues.

Always check with your physician before attempting these exercises.

Nevertheless, sit back, close your eyes, and enjoy the relaxing effects that deep breathing can provide.

It’s an effective solution to reduce stress, bring you peace, and improve your life.

What do you do to relax when you feel stressed out?

How often do you take time to relax in a day?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

Before you leave…

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October 21, 2018February 15, 2018

Posts

Top Ten Ways of Finding Closure in Your Relationship

The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself. – B. R. Haydon

Top Five Ways To Apologize

To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else. – Dalai Lama

The man who makes no mistakes usually doesn’t make anything. – Bishop W. C. Magee

Tips to Overcome the Fear of Speaking in Public

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. – Martin Luther King Jr.

The Art of Organization: Seven Time Saving Tips

The Art of Deep Breathing: A Sanity-Saving Strategy

When you can’t have what you want, it’s time to start wanting what you have. – Kathleen A. Sutton