family – Page 4 – Personal Growth Cafe

March 5, 2018January 5, 2018

Coping with Anger from a Loved One

Coping with anger from anyone can be tough.

However, when anger is coming from someone dear to you, it can be especially difficult to deal with.

If someone you love is showing anger now, or continues to show anger on a frequent basis, you must resist the urge to fight fire with fire.

Fighting back will only make the situation explode and you and your loved one will find it increasingly difficult to come to a resolution.

Keep the following tips in mind as you deal with anger from someone you love:

1. Avoid reacting immediately. You shouldn’t let yourself explode with a burst of emotion.

Anger can get heated quickly and you don’t want to respond rashly, whether it’s with anger, sadness, or resentment.

2. Allow yourself time to cool down so you can approach the situation calmly and rationally.

3. Refuse to take things personally. There’s no doubt about it, this is hard to do when a loved one is hurling mud your way.

It’s easier to avoid taking it personally from colleagues and strangers, but for those close to you, it’s hard not to take their opinions personally.

Talk to your loved one about what they said.

Explain how you see their actions as personal attacks.

If they didn’t intend it as one, they’ll have a chance to explain themselves.

If they did mean to personally attack you, it’s important to work out the issue.

What can you do to improve the situation so these outbursts won’t happen again?

4. Admit the problem. It’s also important for your loved one to admit that they have a problem with anger if it’s recurring.

They may say they have control over it, but it’s only a matter of time before it flares up again and causes deeper wounds.

5. Help them cool down. Whether the anger is directed toward you or another person, step in and help them cool down before they lose control and let anger take over.

While you may like them to develop these skills independently as they practice on their own, they may need your assistance in the beginning.

You can help them reflect on their thoughts and feelings before they act.

6. Identify feelings. People don’t just immediately burst out in anger without a flood of emotions first.

Help your loved one identify their triggers so they can put a halt on anger before it starts.

7. Teach healthy anger expressions. Anger is a part of life. However, it’s how we react and deal with anger that’s important.

Here are some healthy ways they can express and cope with anger:

Write in a journal.
Exercise – go for a jog or run when anger arises.
Count to 10 and take several deep breaths before reacting.
Practice relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation.
Express anger through art.
Focus on the good of a situation.

It’s important to discover a coping mechanism that works for your loved one.

At the same time, you shouldn’t get lost in your loved one’s struggle with anger.

You can go over some of the healthy anger expression techniques and implement them yourself as well.

By becoming a model for your loved one, it just may be what they need to change.

But if their anger turns violent, remove yourself from the situation immediately and seek professional help.

By helping your loved one learn and grow, you just may be able to strengthen your relationship and developer a lasting bond.

How can you continue to show unconditional love to those who matter to you despite the things that they do?

How can anger hinder us from forgiving freely?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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February 11, 2018January 5, 2018

My family will benefit from my positive transformation.

As I grow and better myself I become a better spouse and parent.

As I look out my window I can see the beautiful oak tree with its branches stretched wide and strong.

Although I cannot see the roots, I know that they run deep into the ground to anchor it securely and sustain its growth.

Looking closely, I see a family of squirrels that have nested in a crook of the tree; they are offered shelter and security.

The birds are given a roost and the tree offers cooling shade to anyone who is near.

I am like this oak tree; as I grow in spirit I have more to offer to my family.

As I transform my spirit and continue to grow, I become strong and my foundation is able to sustain whatever comes my way.

I am a more attentive spouse and a gentler parent.

In nourishing and sustaining myself I continue to better my own life and therefore I bring more benefits to my family.

I am strong and my spirit stretches wide and can offer strength and shelter.

A gentle and encouraging word, a smile to warm the heart and arms to wrap around those I love are things I have within me to offer.

Today, I can ensure my betterment through nourishing my body and allowing my spirit to grow.

I am a better spouse and parent because I continue to grow and transform myself.

Everyone around me benefits from the positive energy I emit as I continue to grow and transform into a more enlightened being.

How have you created a strong foundation to support your transformation?

How have you become a place of shelter and rest for your family?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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February 6, 2018January 5, 2018

I can rescue myself from the quicksand of stagnation with the support of my family.

There is little that I cannot do with the support of my family.

My family gives me the support and strength I need to rescue myself from standing still or spiraling downward.

The support of my family helps me to continue to grow, even when it gets difficult.

I am a strong person who is strengthened by my family.

It shows great humility to be able to accept the love and support of my family.

I can pull myself up from the sticky mire of life because I have an awesome family that gives me support and encouragement.

I feel strong and supported, validated and vindicated by my family.

We have gone through life together and no one knows me like my family knows me.

No one accepts me like my family accepts me.

No one loves me like my family loves me. No one supports me like my family supports me.

Today, and every day, I appreciate the love and support that my family offers me.

I appreciate my ability to pull myself up in life because of the support from my family.

Today I will let my family know how much I appreciate them.

How have you been strengthened by your family’s support?

How has the support of your family allowed you to rescue yourself?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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January 16, 2018January 5, 2018

Family time is my treasure.

January 16, 2018January 5, 2018

Regain Important Family Time by Leaving Work at the Office

On days when your spouse comes home from work irritable and grumpy from a bad day, try telling them jokingly, “Go back and come in again.”

In our high-stress society, sometimes it’s hard to keep work and home separate.

Work worries follow us home so we’re never really free of them.

Even though work is such an intertwined part of life for everyone, it’s essential to leave your work problems at work so your home can be your sanctuary.

Here are some effective tips to help you leave those work issues back at the office so you can enjoy your time at home:

1. Schedule your day.

Plan ahead for how long you’re going to be at work.

When you’re “closed” be closed, even if it means ignoring the phone or emails.

The world won’t stop spinning if you sit down to dinner with your family and let the machine get the phone.

You know that you’ll pick things up the next day, so accept that the work can wait until you get back. Train yourself for this.

If you have to initially schedule family time or alone time, do it.

You’ll soon begin to enjoy the rewards of scheduled time off.

Turn off your cell phone, blackberry, or beeper when you walk in the door.

Your messages will still be there in the morning when you start your workday again.

This idea might prove a little tricky for stay at home moms, but learn how to set boundaries for your children.

After you put them to bed, tell them Mommy hours are over, and it’s time for you to relax.

Most children respect these parameters, and other people who need you will learn to respect your boundaries as well.

2. Change your clothes.

Work attire has certain standards and, when you change into comfortable clothing at home, you give yourself a chance to relax.

Whether you wear a uniform or business wear, changing your clothes is a mental indicator that work time is up.

Keep a cozy pair of slippers by the door so you can get comfortable immediately after you come into the door.

3. Give yourself time to de-stress.

You can just sit in the chair, read a good book, or fix a drink.

Whatever your method is to de-stress, make sure you’ve spelled out ahead of time that you aren’t to be interrupted until you’re ready.

If you know you don’t want to be pummeled by your kids the moment you walk in the door, arrange with your spouse or kids to allow a few minutes to de-stress.

Use your commuting time to de-stress, especially if you use public transit.

Listening to your iPod or just daydreaming out the window can make a world of difference in your mood once you get home.

Don’t stay in de-stress mode, however, for the entire evening!

Still take part with the family once you’ve cleared your mind for a bit.

4. Separate your work area.

As more and more people begin working from home, it’s harder to separate the two lives.

In order to help you distance yourself from work once work hours are over, keep your work area physically separate from your family area.

Establish your work area in a dedicated workroom, or separate your work area with a wall or a room divider so you’re not pulled back to your work area when you’re interacting with your family.

If you work with a laptop, don’t be tempted to bring your work into your family space.

It’s too easy to get distracted by work when your family needs you at the end of the day.

You’ll find so much peace of mind once you realize that you’re in control of your schedule!

Don’t let the boss run your world outside of work.

You’ll be happier, healthier and more productive when you take time for yourself and your family.

Treat yourself with the respect you deserve!

How can you carve out more time to spend with your family?

What can you do today to show your family that you appreciate them?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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January 5, 2018January 5, 2018

How to Show Love and Communicate With Loved Ones

It can be difficult to show people how much they mean to you.

Many of us go through life with strong feelings about the people in our lives but we never express those emotions clearly.

Yet, having meaningful relationships actually requires that we know how to show our love and affection.

Learning How to Communicate With Your Partner

Showing your emotions can be easier when you give yourself permission to start sharing how you feel with the people around you.

You can start small – laughing when you want to laugh, hugging someone when you want to hug, or holding hands when you want to be close to the other person.

It’s a good idea to start slow in order to build a strong foundation built on trust and respect.

Without building trust and respect, you can’t feel comfortable to share your love or deepest thoughts.

If you didn’t grow up in a family where these skills were encouraged, give yourself some time to get used to communicating and emoting.

If you have practiced this first step but still have a hard time showing love and communicating confidently, you may want to consider trying positive affirmations about communication and relationships.

Affirmations are statements you can use to change the way you think and behave.

Another way to look at it is that affirmations are positive statements that activate your mind to accomplish great things.

If you tell yourself each day, “Communicating my feelings is important,” for example, you give yourself permission to communicate how you feel about others.

Another affirmation that gives you permission to show your love and affection for others is: “Communication is the master key that I use to open the door to happiness.”

Words have power. You can harness the power of words to change your life and relationships in a positive manner.

You can learn how to show love and communicate with loved ones by actively using affirmations in your life.

Affirmations can help you give yourself permission to share your feelings and love.

This will allow you to experience much more fulfilling and positive relationships.

Affirmations can also help you reprogram your mind with positive thoughts.

Use these thoughts to focus on – and achieve – your goals and replace negative thoughts.

Even though affirmations take some practice and may take some time before you begin to feel the full effect, you can make drastic changes to your behavior by repeating affirmations that encapsulate your belief system.

Repeat and reflect on them every day and you’ll soon notice a difference.

Yes! Affirmations really can make a difference in your life and the lives of others.

How?

Well, what you think affects how you feel, which affects what you do with your life.

The more positive you think and feel about yourself and your relationships, the more positive events and situations you’ll experience in that relationship.

These changes will not only be obvious to you, but also to your friends and family.

If you make these affirmations part of your daily life, you’ll find that expressing love and communicating your feelings will be easier.

You’ll also be happy to discover that the love you express will be returned to you!

How do you show your love to your family?

What activities do you regularly do with your family?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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December 26, 2017

What is Co-Dependence and How Can It Stifle You?

Everyone has likely heard the term co-dependence. But what does it really mean?

When you get into a relationship, chances are you depend on your partner for certain things.

This is to be expected and it’s part of the trust you build. However, you don’t want to lose your independence completely.

What Is Co-Dependence?

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that’s usually passed down from other family members.

It is often described as losing yourself in your relationship.

If you’re co-dependent you’d likely cover up the actions of others for relief in the short term, even if it’s a bad move in the long term.

Co-dependent people often don’t listen to their true selves and end up covering up negative emotions with destructive actions.

They are more likely to develop problems with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and more.

Are You Co-Dependent?

You might wonder if you just have a co-dependent tendency every once in awhile, or if you’re completely co-dependent all the time.

In order to figure out whether you’re co-dependent or not, it might help to ask yourself the following questions:

Do you find it hard to adapt to change?
Are you worried about the opinions of others including close family members?
Do you tend to avoid an argument at all costs?
Do you make excuses for loved ones?
Do you feel lonely or ignored when your loved ones spend time with others?
Do you find it hard to express yourself?
Do you have trouble telling others “no”?
Do you often feel ashamed about your inner feelings?

While your answer can be yes to one or a few of these questions without being co-dependent, you should now have a better idea about how a co-dependent person feels.

Deep down you likely know whether or not you have a true problem with co-dependence.

If you do, it’s in your best interest to seek out professional help. There are counselors available that are specially trained in the area of co-dependency.

How Co-Dependence Affects Your Life

Co-dependence can affect your life greatly and affect your partner and others around you. Of course the affects will be of varying degrees.

Let’s say your partner battles a common, yet debilitating problem such as alcoholism.

When they have a slip up, your co-dependent nature may wish to just cover up the slip up and just hope it’s a one-time deal.

You’d make decisions like lying to others about whether or not it happened, helping your partner sober up quickly, or calling into work for your partner and claiming that they’re just sick.

You can now see how this decision just makes things “better” in the short run. It’s the easy way out and your partner won’t have to face anything difficult.

They’ll be happier in the moment because you’re not causing them any immediate stress.

However, in the long run the problem is just going to continue and snowball.

While it may not be the popular decision, you’ll need to learn how to stand up to your partner and strive for what you believe is right deep down.

Become More Independent

There are ways you can learn to be more independent. In the above example, you’ll know that you need to have the difficult conversations with your partner.

You need to help them decide that they need to get over their problem once and for all.

You then need to decide that you’re going to concentrate on yourself.

You need to know that your relationship with your partner is not all about them and their own problems. It’s about you, too.

Take the time to think about your long-term goals and what makes you happy.

Remember that you must be able to stand on your own two-feet without shame, guilt, fear, or worry!

How do you feel about co-dependence?

How can it affect your life?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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November 19, 2017

My family is there for me. I feel fully supported by them.

I am a strong person and I can stand on my own. I am able to support myself and I take pride in my strength and what I have accomplished in my life.

I also take pride in the fact that I can, should I need it, accept help from my family.

Family is important to me and I appreciate the fact that I feel supported by my loved ones.

It may be true that I can support myself, however, I welcome help when I need it.

My family supports me and is always here when I need them. They are filled with love for me because I, too, love them.

I am there for my family and I am supportive of them just as they are supportive of me.

We share an unspoken love toward each other that no one and nothing can tear apart.

Today I appreciate my own bravery, but I allow my family to strengthen me. I appreciate their support and I bask in the glow of their love.

I also offer myself to my family because we share an unbreakable bond.

How can you strengthen the loving bond with your family?

Are you open to receiving the loving guidance from your family?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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November 7, 2017

I enjoy my time with family.

My family is a precious gift. I feel so blessed that my Creator filled my life with such incredible people.

The time I have with my family is invaluable.

I cherish my family relationships — my parents who gave me a loving home, my siblings who make me feel special, my children who allow me to see the best in myself, and my spouse who loves and supports me.

Carving out family time is important because spending time with my family fills me with happiness.

I look forward to sharing time with the people who mean the most to me. After all, the purpose of my work is to find fulfillment in life, while providing for my family.

I also take time to nurture all of my family relationships. Keeping these connections nurtures my soul.

When I call a family member who lives far away, take the time to have an important conversation with my child, eat a meal with my relatives, or arrange an activity that allows us all to bond — I strengthen my family connections.

Because I have strong family bonds, I am never alone.

When I am with my family, I am surrounded by love. My family wants the best for me and is always there to listen to me.

My family brings laughter and love into my life. They provide me with a strong network that keeps me safe and grounded.

Spending time with my family is truly a blessing.

How do you nurture each family relationship with the same energy?

How do your family relationships nurture your soul?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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October 23, 2017

Balancing Work and Family Time

It’s the age-old struggle: how do you balance your work and family in a way that makes you feel fulfilled and guilt-free. Is it possible?

A typical day could be 8 hours at work and 2 hours commuting, yet family leisure time hasn’t even begun! It seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day to balance both family and work, but there really are ways to make your life more manageable.

With a few simple tweaks to your schedule and a re-evaluation of your life goals, you can find fulfillment without feeling stretched thin at work or at home.

Evaluate Your Career Path

The best way to start changing how you approach the limited hours in your day is to evaluate your career path.

Ask yourself: “Am I working in a career that I am truly passionate about? Is the trade-off between work and family worth the time I spend at the office?”

Asking yourself these types of questions (at any point in your career) will help you keep your priorities in check. The bottom line question is: am I able to attend to both my work and my family?

If not, what needs to happen to find balance? Perhaps this means a change of career to allow for more quality time, money, or less overall responsibilities and stress.

Evaluate Your Commute and Career-Related Traveling

Start thinking of all the time and expenses incurred relating to your job. It isn’t just the working hours that take away from your spouse or kids.

Commuting could cost you a couple hours a day, while business trips could take away countless hours of valuable time that you could otherwise be spending with your family.

Evaluating these aspects of your job will help you decide whether it’s worth it, and if not, what you could do to change that.

For example, you could ask you employer if they would allow you more freedom with your work hours.

Or you could ask if your boss would allow you to work from home. You just may be surprised with what your boss has to say!

Evaluate Your Career Duties

By evaluating your task schedule, you may be able to re-allocate your time and possibly cut down on late nights or early mornings at the office.

Another important workplace strategy is to delegate tasks to others. If you typically handle everything in your department, it’s time to get help by involving others.

By delegating responsibilities to staff members, you not only empower your staff to have a more active role, but you also allow yourself more time to be home with your family.

Evaluate Your Priorities

Before you are able to adequately balance your work and family life, you have to determine what’s most important to you: money and self-fulfillment or time with your family.

Once you know the answer to this question, you’ll be able to better navigate your way to a happy and balanced life.

You may also want to calculate how much money your family needs to be happy and measure that against how much time you are willing to give to your career.

If your current job will never give you that balance or flexibility you desire, it may mean that you need to consider other career paths.

Or if your current employer won’t allow more vacation time, flexible schedules or remote work, it may be time to consider a new job at a different company.

Few people duck out of the rat race long enough to evaluate the bigger picture, this is why it’s integral to stop now and evaluate what is most important to you and your family.

How much time do you get to spend with your family?

How does your workload and travel allow you to spend enough time with those you love?

Talk about that in the Personal Growth Cafe Community!

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